Trout Fisting In America #24 – Exclamation Points!

 

We got a postcard in the mail last week! It was a sympathy card from the vet who put down our sister’s dog! It said ‘Deepest sympathies for the loss of your dog Waffles!’ And I get that exclamation points have become so common as means to express enthusiasm! and excitement! and happiness! that to end your sentences with a simple period means marking yourself as a dour depressed sourpuss! I understand that! I understand that everyone wants to be liked or at least not be disliked and so you want the person you’re communicating at to know that you enjoy communicating to them! This isn’t a chore! This isn’t something I have less than 100% enthusiasm for! And yeah Fitzgerald said that using an exclamation point was like laughing at your own joke but what’s wrong with laughing at your joke! I’m funny! You’re funny! Let’s laugh at our own motherfucking jokes! Deepest sympathies to that girl who the white supremacist plowed his car into! Deepest sympathies to her family! All of 21st century US life is a performance that we put on for others! A means of signifying towards people we want to like us that we are ourselves worthy of being liked! And yeah most of the social media exclamation point enthusiasts also suffer from anxiety and are very very depressed but it’s our contradictions that makes us interesting and so what if we write with false joy while we die in real tears! There’s nothing wrong with that! There’s nothing wrong with any of us! I’m not hysterical! You’re the one who’s hysterical! Eat more avocados! Change your profile picture to a still from Raiders of the Lost Ark doctored to show Indiana (Indie) Jones buttfucking a Nazi with Donald Trump’s face! You’re an inspiration to all of us! Just please be sure to vote! In every goddamn election! Or the next tweet/e-mail/f—-book post you see from me will end with a period! Or maybe a fucking ellipsis! Don’t test me you fucking faceless panopticon! My imaginary audience that tortures my subconscious! Have I convince you of my enthusiasm! Have I convinced you of my deep-seated/deep-seeded reservoirs of intense fucking joy!

 

Trout Fisting In America appears here every Tuesday. We’re going to keep going until we reach #50, or until the Trout begs for mercy. You can check out previous installments HERE.